Therapy for the Villains
by The-Napoleon-Of-Crime
Summary: After failing to retrieve the prophecy Voldemort and Dumbledore strike up a deal- Harry will tell Voldemort what the prophecy says if he and his death eaters attend therapy- the outcome. Chaos.
1. Chapter 1

Story- Harry Potter

Title- Therapy for the villains.

Rating- T

Disclaimer- Don't own anything

Summary- After failing to retrieve the prophecy Voldemort and Dumbledore strike up a deal- Harry will tell Voldemort what the prophecy says if he and his death eaters attend therapy- the outcome. Chaos.

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Chapter 1- Agreeing with the enemy.

"No Bella, he is not lying" Voldemort said softly staring at Harry with his red eyes.  
"Master I am so sorry, please don't punish me" Bellatrix pleaded but Voldemort paid not attention still focussing on Harry.  
"I have nothing more to say to you Potter, AVADE KEDAVRA" But sadly Harry did not fall to his death  
"What the fu- Dumbledore" Voldemort growled annoyed another of his perfectly thought out plans hadn't worked. "It was foolish for you to come here tonight, Tom" Said Dumbledore calmly "The aurors are on their way-". "By which time I shall be gone and you will be dead" Voldemort spat sending another killing curse to Dumbledore but missed. "Please tom, I wish to reason with you" Dumbledore said stopping duelling and looking serious but still had the sparkly glint in his eye. "Reason with the dark lord" Bellatrix cackled finding the situation rather amusing but apparated anyway not wanting to be caught by the aurors, refusing to go back to Azkaban and lose what was left of her 'perfectly sane mind'.  
"Reason with me" If Voldemort had eye-brows he would have lifted one looking quizzically at the old man clearly going senile.  
"Yes Tom, please just listen" Voldemort didn't agree but didn't not agree so Dumbledore went on "If you wish to hear the prophecy you can, but do as I ask firstly". Voldemort was intrigued "And what would that be". Dumbledore lowered his wand ignoring Harry's wondering stare  
"I want you and the death eaters to attend therapy" Voldemort laughed darkly knowing now Dumbledore was losing it, even Harry had to bite his lip to stop from laughing_ Voldemort in therapy_ he thoughttrying to get the image of The-Dark-Lord laid back on a black couch_._  
"Oh you were serious" Voldemort asked stopping laughing and watching Dumbledore who was indeed serious "Yes tom, do that and you shall hear the prophecy". Voldemort thought for a moment, surely sending the death eaters to therapy sounded sensible- Bella was clearly insane, Lucius spent way to long perfecting his hair and Snape, well Snape was just to dark but himself- The great Lord Voldemort, there was nothing wrong with his sanity any reasonable person could tell that but wanting to hear the prophecy Tom Riddle decided to humour the old man and the Potter brat-

"Done" Voldemort agreed, then apparated away.

"Um, headmaster, your not really thinking about telling Voldemort what the prophecy said, are you?" Harry asked fearing for his old headmasters judgement.

"For now, but I'm sure I'll come up with a plan soon enough" Dumbledore announced happily and walked away to greet the Minister thinking about lemon drops.

--------------------------------------------Death Eaters HQ-AKA-Malfoy Manor-------------------------------------------------------

"Useless, yet loyal followers" Voldemort greeted glaring at each death eater. They were all seated around the Malfoys dining table, well every death eater important enough that is; Bellatrix and Rodolfus Lestrange, Lucius and Draco Malfoy, Wormtail, Snape, Yaxley and Avery. Rodolfus, Yaxley and Avery weren't exactly considered important but were the only one's to answer their Dark Mark call fast enough and Draco was already in the Manor so it was much easier to include him, saving him from feeling unloved and unimportant.  
"I have news, despite your pitiful performance at the Ministry" He-who-now-must-go-to-therapy eyed Lucius and Bella, Bella who had been looking at him lovingly blushed but continued to adore him. "I have made a deal with Dumbledore-" Avery looked up from apparently staring anywhere but at his master "My Lord, are you sure that is wise" Voldemort regarded for a moment calmly "I am sure Avery yes, but for your questioning. CRUCIO!". Avery fell to the floor screaming and writhing in pain causing Bella to start laughing manically enjoying her fellow death eaters pain. "Mental, I told mother she was insane" Draco muttered to his father and Lucius nodded in agreement wishing Andromeda hadn't turned out to be a traitor at least then he could of claimed one sane sister-in-law. Bella turned sharply to her nephew and brother-in-law  
"I-am-perfectly-sane" she hissed practically shaking with anger. "Of course you are, darling" Rodolfus agreed sarcastically placing a hand on his wife's shoulder. "I am " Bella shrieked glaring murderously one last time at the Malfoys then at her husband.  
"So, I will hear the prophecy on one condition" Voldemort said becoming bored with Avery's screaming and broke the curse "We all must attend therapy, both marital-" he nodded at the Lestrange's and then at Lucius meaning Narcissa must go too "And alone". Ignoring the death eaters shouts of disagreement Voldemort smiled evilly "Wormtail your up first".

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A/N-

The first part of the story was losely based on OOTF.  
So Wormtail is going to the doc's office first, what will be the doc's verdict- is Wormtail insane. What does everyone think? All ideas welcome. Thanks for reading, please review!

- Courtney


	2. Wormtail!

Chapter 2- Wormtail!

Disclaimer- Sadly, I own nothing in this fic. :(

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Peter Pettigrew sat on the edge of his chair, looking shiftily around the room at each muggle who had also apparently been dragged to the therapists waiting room. They all looked exactly how he felt; annoyed, quite depressed and yet all of them rather insane.  
He pulled his the black hood of his cloak up tighter over his head so it was hanging slightly over his forehead, looking very dark and deep in thought to anyone who dared look at him. Why did he need therapy anyway? He was the most sane death eater of them all, in his opinion anyway. Although at that very moment he wanted nothing more than to slip into rat form and leave, preferably unnoticed by the pchycos around him. Yes, he was perfectly sane. But unfortunately, Lord Voldemort had made it perfectly clear anybody who tried to skip their meeting would be tortured beyond their wildest nightmares. And he meant it too. So all of the death eaters reluctantly agreed, taking the unbreakable vow with their lord. That was of course after Narcissa and Lucius changed their joint hair appointments in Knockturn Alley, both Malfoys enraged their hair would have to take a back seat while they attended couples therapy.  
Despite everything, Peter got the feeling not everyone was so unhappy about attending the sessions with their given doctor. As Rodolphus looked to be glowing when Bellatrix agreed to their session in marrigae therapy.  
Luckily, Bella had taken out her anger on some poor unsuspecting muggle during a book signing of somebody called J.K Rowling.  
The male death eater shifted nervously on his chair as a woman walked into the the room and called his name, motioning him for follow her into the doc's office.

"Mr Pettigrew, please take a seat." Dr Samuel Smith instructed with a smile, gesturing for Wormtail to lay back on the thin leather couch placed in the middle of his office. Peter bowed his head and did exactly as he was told, trying not to enrage the doctor like he often did with his master. "Can you please take down the hood?" Wormtail took a deep breath and lowered his hood, looking up at the doctor who had vibrant blue eyes and short black hair which was combed to the right in a perfect look for his age. "Hey! I bet Snape and you get your hair cut together! Your hair is more shiny than greasy though..." Wormtail sniggered a little, but instantly fell silent as the male shrink frowned at him.  
"Severus Snape? Ah, I will be seeing him on Thursday, perhaps you could tell me why _you _are here right now?" Dr Smith asked, sitting down opposite the death eater and tried to work out why he looked so... strange. Peter took one glance at the clock, only fifty-two minutes to go. "Well, the dark lod needs to hear the prophecy and well, Prof, Professor... Dumbledore, will only tell him what it says if we all attend therapy. Luckily for you, we are all perfectly sane!" Peter explained, stuttering a few times but was quite proud of his general explanation anyway. The therapist slowly nodded, but who was this 'dark lord' they spoke about? Were they part of some type of cult? "Who do you mean when you say 'we', Peter?" He asked patiently, adding a slight smile despite how uncomfortable he felt. Wormtail shivered, looking at the man as if he were the crazy one. "The Death Eaters of course, silly! But, I am the Dark Lords most faithful and loyal!" He added the last part in a smug tone, "And if Bella tells you any different, she's a crazy old lady with a thing for our master!" As soon as he said it, Wormtail clasped his hands over his mouth. Oh God! Bella would kill him if she ever found out he had said that, wait, was the therapist?... He was! "Hey, stop writing down everything I say!" Samuel slowly put down the pen and looked up at the man who he had concluded was the double of a rat! "Moving along... who is the Dark Lord?" Apparently, that question seemed almost alien as Wormtail stared at the Doctor-who-didn't-know-who-the-dark-lord-was with a look of horror on his face, was this man a total idiot? Or perhaps he worked for the Order of the Phoenix...  
"Lord Voldemort, the greatest wizard of all time!" When the sentence was spoken, Peter felt himself beam with pride knowing everything seemed to be working out fine. The shrink's face seemed to pale, _wizard? _Oh, this man was clearly part of an online wizarding game of some sort. But still, he forced himself to continue with the questions. "So, why do you follow this... Voldemort?" Samuel asked, leaning back in his chair slightly as he waited for Peter's answer, which took quite a while for him to hear.  
"Well, I guess it's because I betrayed the Potters... James was my best friend, but the dark lord made me! Oh wait... I mean, I wanted to do it for my master! But I lead The Dark Lord to them... and I did nothing as they were..." Peter choked back a sob, his hands shaking as his past came out. "As they were murdered! But I didn't mean for it to happen! I'm not a bad person... really, I'm not!" Peter slowly stood up, pulling his hood over his head again as he began to sob even more. "Bella is gonna kill me for this... and then Snape will say I'm not worthy of being a death eater for telling you what happened with the Potters!"  
With a sharp 'pop', Wormtail apparated out of the therapists Office leaving a very confused Samuel Smith to simply stand there and wonder what in the name of all sanity had just happened.

AN/

Finally! She updates! Okay, so this wasn't exactly funny but I knew I needed to give you guys something soon! Any ideas who should be next? I corrected my spelling mistakes and everything should be alright in this chapter. I'm thinking either Draco or Snape next.


	3. Bellatrix Lestrange

Title- Therapy For Villains

Summary- After failing to retrieve the prophecy Voldemort and Dumbledore strike up a deal- Harry will tell Voldemort what the prophecy says if he and his death eaters attend therapy- the outcome. Chaos.

Rating- T

Disclaimer- I own nothing… damn!

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Chapter 3- Bellatrix Lestrange

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Dr. Samuel Smith sat at his desk with his head in his hands. It had been exactly one week since Peter Pettigrew stepped foot into his office, and Samuel was still feeling drained. He'd spoken to a 'Tom Riddle' two days after Peter's session to confirm Peter had indeed turned up and had been told his next patient was one Bellatrix Lestrange. He had hopes the woman would be a bit less mentally frustrating than Peter, but something was strange with 'Tom' and he didn't like the look the man had in his eyes... in fact, Tom was quite weird. No nose, quite pale, almost like...

A sharp knock pulled Dr. Smith out of his day-dream and his head came out of his hands. He found himself staring at one of the craziest looking women he had ever seen in his life. She slammed the door shut with a huff and threw herself down on the couch beside Samuel's desk, lifting her boots onto the arm and clicking her heels together annoyingly.

Samuel cleared his throat and grabbed his clip board and his pen, rising to his feet. "Bellatrix Lestrange?" He guessed, noticing that the woman hadn't bothered to even look at him or give an indication that she wanted to be there. "I'm Samuel Smith, your therapist. Now Mrs. Lestrange-"

"Get on with it." Bellatrix snapped with a roll of her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning up a little bit to glare at Samuel. She swung her legs onto the floor and sat up properly, then crossed one leg over the other and huffed again, pulling her robes tighter around her body.

Samuel cleared his throat, leaning against the side of his desk. "Why don't you start by telling me about your relationship with Mister Riddle?"

Bellatrix's eyes narrowed and she immediately stood up, pulling out a 'wand' and pointing it threateningly at the doctor's throat. "Lord Voldemort is not to be referred to as Tom Riddle!" She hissed, slowly lowering the wand to Samuel's heart instead.

Dr. Smith breathed out slowly, unable to stop himself from wondering why it was this woman was pointing a toy at him. But he found it best not to ask. "... Lord, Volemort..." He corrected through a mumble.

Finally Bellatrix's eyes became lighter, and she gave a much happier sigh as she stored her wand away back in her robes. "He's beautiful..." She mumbled, somewhat dreamily. "Sexy... brave... powerful... sexy." She bit her lower lip, leaning on the arm of the couch. "Lord Sexymort I think they should re-name him." Again Bellatrix sighed, apparently losing her train of thought to thoughts of her master.

Samuel rubbed the side of his jaw, afraid to say something and end up annoying Bellatrix. She seemed quite unstable, but there was something that was nagging at the back of his mind. He opened his mouth to speak, leaning forward. "Aren't you married, Bellatrix?"

Bellatrix stared at the doctor for a couple of moments, almost forgetting about Rodolphus. He was such a... kill joy. "Oh, yeah... sure, sure..." She muttered, waving her hand dismissively. "But, to be honest, he doesn't really count." Upon seeing the confused expression of the doctor, she smiled twistedly and decided to elaborate for him. "He's kind of like a puppy really. He's there, yapping about things you don't care about and scheming for affection... but he's insignificant. Definitely nothing like Lord Voldemort... he's... perfect."

Dr. Smith wrote down a few notes, the words "angry", "insane" and "delusional" coming up quite a lot the more he studied Bellatrix. He was quite looking forward to meeting Rodolphus, her husband, purely to see what he thought of his wife. "What do you like to do in your spare time, Bellatrix?" He asked her.

"Kill muggles, much like yourself." Bellatrix smirked, holding up her hand and ticking off all of the things she liked to do with her fingers. "Watch Lord Voldemort while he talks, or just in general. Think up ways to kill Potter and bring the prophecy to our lord!"

_Muggles? Potter? Harry Potter? Prophecy? _Samuel was feeling more confused each time Bellatrix opened her mouth, and by the time she had stopped talking, he just wished he hadn't even bothered speaking in the first place. If he learned more about the prophesy then perhaps his job would be made easier. So far it seemed this prophecy was important and if he could give some indication it would be in the hands of Lord Voldemort some time soon it would be much easier to control the sessions.

Dr. Smith nodded softly, "Bellatrix, Harry Potter, are you sure you need to kill him?" He asked quietly.

"No me, but our Lord." Bellatrix replied, glancing all around the room as though uninterested by most of what the doctor had been speaking about. Which she definitely was. "Potter escaped him! He's a filthy half-blood, almost killed our Lord for good! He has to be stopped and killed so Lord Voldemort can take power and-"

Bellatrix stopped talking and eyed the doctor closely, slowly walking over to him and jabbing him in his chest suspiciously. "You aren't working with the Order of the Pheonix, are you? Because if you start to tell them our plans, I'll Crucio you into next week!"

Dr. Smith gulped and shook his head slowly, leaning back away from Bellatrix as far as he could without her noticing. "Order of the Pheonix? Never heard of them..." He answered quietly, clearing his throat once again.

Bellatrix patted the doctor's cheek, quite hard. "Good boy." She smirked, giving him a wink before apparating out of the room with still twenty minutes of the seassion left!

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AN/

I have been so busy! School and everything, but hopefully my updates will be much more regular. I'm thinking of doing Lucius next, any preferences?

- Napo.


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